


Oh My Ghost

by AnnaKnimos



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, F/M, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-07-15 08:30:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 20,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16059365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaKnimos/pseuds/AnnaKnimos
Summary: (Y/N) has been pining for one James Buchanan Barnes for over 6 months, but he doesn't notice her. That's expected when you're a ghost trapped in the house of the boy you love.





	1. Chapter 1

     His smile was stolen from the night sky. His lips were carefully painted with the pink hues captured from the evening light. His eyes were designed to draw you in and drown you in seconds. His name was whispered from the breath of angels. _James_. Every second of every minute of every hour I'd wish to catch his gaze. Well, maybe that's an exaggeration, but there's not much to do when you're a ghost trapped inside a house.

    I watched as he transformed smooth ebony, lines into a masterpiece. He was sketching. It was something he'd do for hours on end and never tire. He bit his bottom lip as he moved his hand across ivory pages effortlessly. His eyes dilated with focus and admiration for his current object of affection. Natasha.

   Natasha was his first serious girlfriend. I've been an unknown third party for their first date, first kiss, first cuddle and that awkward moment when she grabbed his nutsack. Boy was I relieved when he told her he wasn't ready. It's not like I could just block out my hearing. Unfortunately, with nothing better to do, I also sat through their movie dates, dumb cooking sessions and even when they studied History or Math. Who came up with calculus? Poor James still can't figure that topic out. But of course there was wonderful Natasha by his side.

   Somehow, I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something off about Natasha. She was beautiful and radiant, but I knew there was something sinister behind that smile. It wasn't because I've harboured feelings for him for half a year. It doesn't sit right with me to want something that someone else has, and James was Natasha's something. She just seemed...suspicious.

     Within the time I've been thinking, he's completed her portrait. I'm sure he's gonna give it to her for her birthday, along with the locket he had custom made. _JB_ and _NR_ in a stupid heart on the back. Hearts are stupid. Did I mention how much I hate hearts? I watched as he smiled at her graphite silhouette. That smile...that beautiful smile. I wish it could be directed at me for once.  
"Sigh....I wish you'd smile like that at me James." I plead. "I don't know how much I can take before..."

He was looking at me...why was he looking at me...

     "Uhhhh...." I uttered incoherent syllables as I stood there stunned as his cerulean orbs filled with surprise and he slowly raised from his seat. He carefully put Natasha's gift in the safety of his desk drawer, reached further to the back and then pulled out...a bible? He held it up and is now screaming at the top of his lungs, "The power of Christ compels you!" Thank God he has an hour before his parents get here. He doesn't want him to think he's gone mad.

  Wait, focus (Y/N), he's still screaming a bunch of religious mumbo jumbo at you. Does he think I'm a demon? Oh my...hahaha! Wait, I remember this from that movie he watched once, what was it again..."The Exorcist!" Why did I say that out loud? Why am I laughing? Why can't I stop? James then falls into a heap of stupid on the floor cowering into a corner. "What the hell are you?" he screams. Okay calm yourself down (Y/N). Alright. Ok. Deep breaths. Finally I can tell him.

  After my 5 minute laughing fit and James exorcism trance, I settle down on his bed and look at him. But he's looking at the window where I was a few seconds ago. What? "Hey, I'm uh, I'm over here." I wave at him. He looks around fantically. Then he can't see me....He's shaking and his bottom lip is trembling like crazy. His hand automatically runs through his chestnut locks, like he always does when he's nervous.

   "He-..Hello?" He tries gently. "Hi...I um....how do I put this...My name is (Y/N), I'm a ghost and I've been trapped in this house for a year." The silence that ensues is deafening. It spills out of my mouth like diarrhea, then James' eyes go blank, then he collapses on the carpeted floor. Great job (Y/N)! You made him faint...


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's confused and (Y/N)'s excited. What could go wrong?

James' POV

    What the hell is going on right now? Someone...something I can't see is currently laughing hysterically in the middle of my room. Am I...am I going crazy? Crap..I knew I should have refused that weird Bifrost soda Thor offered me from his country. He did warn me. So much for trying to impress Nat...now I'm going crazy and..hearing things.

      "My name is (Y/N), I'm a ghost and I've been trapped in this house for a year." The silence that ensues is deafening. Then everything goes black

       When I finally come to, my head feels like someone tried to make brain soup. That dream I had was so weird..A ghost? Living in this house? "Oh My Gosh James are you ok?" A voice asks out of nowhere. "Ahhhhhhhhhh!" Man why do I scream like a girl... So it was real...it wasn't a dream...I'm trying to say something but it feels like every coherent thought my brain can produce dimishes at the same rate. Okay. It's definitely a girl's voice. A teenager. What did she say before I..? (Y/N). Ghost. Trapped. A year. Ok, I got it. Wait what? "You've been in this house for a whole year....watching me...all the time....doing things!" I screamed. I seriously need to know if she's seen everything.  
    "Whoa whoa whoa. Slow down there Bucko. I gave you privacy anytime you and your girlfriend got freaky which really only went as far as heavy petting anyway, and I also left you alone whenever a shower and clothes change was involved sooo yeah I think I've been a pretty good guest." Is she serious? Guest? She was never invited!

"No one invited you, don't call yourself a guest!" I can't believe this right now.

    "Are you serious? It's not my fault I ended up here. I just woke up one day in your bed and I couldn't remember who I was or what I was doing here and, then I saw you and I didn't feel so lost anymore... But you couldn't hear me or see me, I even tried getting your parents' attention, and I did all kinds of crazy stuff believe me and did you know that your dad uses your mom's facial cleansing brush? I mean can't he buy his own..wait not important right now. Anyway, after a while I just stopped trying because it was useless. But then you...you heard me."

    "He's been using her face brush? No wonder she complained about hair being stuck in there. She was scared she was growing a beard or something...I mean it's not like I can tell her, dad will just- wait...you've been all alone? No one to talk to or anything?" I could never imagine being completely alone..  
   
   "I-I'm sorry about that." She doesn't say anything for a while. "Look, I don't know what happened to you or what's really happening right now but, you're welcome to stay..I guess."  
  Suddenly, I hear a fit of giggles, then in a small voice she says, "Thanks for letting me stay here, James, but it's not like I can go anywhere. Everytime I try to take a step outside, it's like there's this barrier I can't cross. The last time I did was a month ago. But now that you hear me..well this is great!" 

  I have no idea why I feel like this, but it's almost as if I trust her. I mean, if she was gonna haunt me or something she would have done it by now. She's been here an entire year and there's been no indication of a malevolent spirit. Trust me I would know. I've watched one too many horror movies about those. But why is she here? How is she here? From what I can tell she doesn't know the answer to those questions either. She must have been so lonely.  
  "I can't imagine what you've been through." I offer. "In this house, no one to talk to...I'm sorry you had to go through that." She doesn't say anything for a while, then suddenly her voice is full of joy as she says, "It's alright James. You've been keeping me company and you never even knew it." I could hear the smile in her voice. I wonder if...no no I'm crazy, I'm crazy look at me I'm talking to a ghost and I'm crazy. This is too weird! How can I be sure she didn't take a peek at my junk, or my cash stash or my..."Hello? James are you ok?" I should just ask, but she could lie right? Ugh whatever, I'll take her word for it. 

"Uh...(Y/N)?" I hope the answer is no.

"Yes, James?" She sounds a bit worried. It should be the other way around..

"Did you...see my...special time?" I squeeze my eyes shut as it comes out.

"Your what? What do you mean?"

"I mean my um...special me time...first thing in the morning when I uh...wake up. That thing I do..under the covers" This is it...

"Ohhhh you mean when you get really noisy and make those weird sounds? I don't know what you do under there but I mostly just left you to it. Why...what goes on in those times?" I can't tell her...I'll embarrass myself.

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing at all. It's almost 5 so I'm gonna head out. Steve's waiting for me at HQ. He's my-"

"Best friend I know. You should tell him to come over more often. Boy, do I miss that ass." She sighs loudly and judging from the subsequent silence, I'm guessing that's what she's gonna be thinking about for the rest of the evening.

"Well, bye I guess. Catch ya later." I rush out of my room before she can say another word.

   That was close. She almost got it out of me. My special time is my special time, but sometimes I wanna tell someone even though I might just get teased for it. If my dad found out...I don't even wanna think about it. I've had to keep myself from making too much noise so no one would hear me, sometimes it's hard because I just wanna let it out, but no one can know that I've been secretly listening to Miley Cyrus' The Climb almost every morning. What can I say? It's my motivation.

 

"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!


	3. Chapter 3

Y/N's pov  

     It's been a week since James found out about me. He's been a bit cold and distant, but I knew it would take some time. He doesn't return my good mornings with as much vigor as I'd like him to but, it's a start. I wait for him to get home from school as I watch tv. He's been leaving it on in the mornings before he goes to school. I asked him about it and he swears it's because he forgets to turn it off when his parents finish watching the news and head to work, but I know he does it for me. It's the little things like that that give me hope that one day, we'll become friends.

  "Everything is garbage!" I laugh at Captain Holt's speech as I wait for James. The show was just about to end when I hear the front door slam. I wince and slowly make my way toward him. He doesn't know I'm in the room. He doesn't know I can see him wiping stray tears. He doesn't know I can see his fists balled at his sides. He doesn't know I wanna hold him and tell him everything will be ok. He doesn't know that I automatically realise why he's upset.

    He stomps up the stairs and throws his backpack in the corner of the room. He goes to his window seat and looks out at the lush, green fields just outside the community. I've spent so much time comforting him without his knowledge that I didn't know what to do. But I hate seeing him this way. Here goes nothing. "Your dad found out didn't he?" He sniffles and closes his eyes as he nods slightly. I'm surprised that he isn't telling me to leave him alone, but I'm glad he isn't. "James...do you wanna talk about it?" He looks at me. Well, more towards the sound of my voice I guess. His eyes are rimmed with red and his mouth set in a grimace. My heart breaks when he speaks and his voice cracks. "He called the school and demanded that Ms. May stop giving me art classes. He threatened to take me out if they didn't..."

    I was in shock. His dad knew that they would never give up their star quarterback, so they must have taken the deal. I slowly walked toward him. Maybe I can offer some comfort. "James, I know you're hurting right now. I know you're confused and angry....but you have a gift. Even if your dad can't see that I do. I think you're amazing, and your dad is an idiot if he can't see that. But....he is proud of you. I know he is. You may not see it, but I can tell you from experience that he loves you and he wants what he thinks is best for you." Tears collect in his cerulean orbs and he bites his lip. He shakes his head and starts running his hand through his chestnut locks."I can't give him what he wants (Y/n). I just can't I...I wanna create and imagine and...I don't wanna be a quarterback for the rest of my life...it's his dream...not mine I..."

     He's crying now. Full blown tears are streaming down his face and his body shivers. "I just want...I want to make him happy...but..I...I can't..."  "Shhhh..it's okay James...it's okay. Everything will be alright. It's ok.."  
We spend a while like that, then James settles down and he wipes his tears. "Bucky." My ears perk up. He only allowed his friends to call him that "Hm?" I question. "Call me Bucky." He gives me a smile and it's enough to warm my heart. But then it's set on fire after what he says and does next. "So you think I'm amazing huh?" He gives me that devilish smirk as he wags his eyebrows up and down.  
   
James' pov

       I never thought I'd say this, but I'm friends with the ghost girl that's trapped in my house. After what happened yesterday, it's like something changed between us. I feel like I can be myself around her. Completely and totally me, without it being awkward. I should have known that she'd  already know about the stuff that happens between me and my dad, but even so she said he was proud of me. I don't know if I believe that. It's hard to when he's constantly on me about football scouts and scholarships. I never expected him to find out about the art classes I've been taking though. I bet it was mom who told him. Usually she's on my side but, seems like no one is these day. Natasha's been mad because I forgot her dog's birthday, Steve's been busy with Peggy, Sam is... well I don't even know what to say about him and the only person I've got is (Y/n). I know I haven't been nice to her this past week but, things are changing. She's sweet and funny and I guess I would have warmed up to her at some point. But I've more than warmed up to her now, especially after yesterday.

    I shove some popcorn in my mouth as we watch The Exorcist. She begged me to watch it with her, but right no she's quieter than usual. I look at the seat next to me, figuring that's where she'd be.

"(Y/n), you alright?" I ask.

"Shhhhh it's coming up!"

I furrow my brows, then chuckle in realisation as I turn back to the television. She was talking about the line I shouted at her that day we met. It plays out and she bursts out laughing. After a while I can't help but join in. Her laugh is melodious and full of joy and mine matches hers. It's been a while since I've laughed like that, and I look across at the seat. Suddenly, I see a faint outline of a head..then shoulders...then legs..then it's gone and soon as it appeared...Her laughter stops and she asks, "Bucky what's wrong? You ok?"

   All I can do is stutter. "You..uh...I....Idk...what?" How am I supposed to explain that? I hear her laugh again and she suggests we finish watching the movie. Well that's an interesting little development. What the hell is going on? I hope we get some answers about this ghost thing soon. I turn back to the movie and try to stop thinking about it.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Y/N's pov  
  
  
    Over the past month, Bucky and I have grown closer. We talked and talked and talked. I didn't have much to say since I remember nothing but my name, but I don't mind listening to what he has to say. I wish I could answer all his questions though. He sure has a lot, but after what happened last week, I think we're a little closer to figuring out some answers.  
  
    Flashback  
  
  " _Oh My Gosh!....Yes!....Yes!" Bucky was moaning way too loudly in his room. Why? He was currently chomping down on a Double bacon cheeseburger from Happy's Q, his favourite restaurant. Why does he have to be so noisy. "Bucky?" He looks up and scans the room, silently asking where I was. "On your bed." He looks directly at me as I quietly plead, "Can you please not make so much noise? It sucks that I can't eat and I'm kind of..." I trail off. It was ridiculous to begin with. "Kind of what?" He asks with a mouth full of bacon and ketchup on his chin. I don't say anything._  
  
_He smiles and chuckles a little. He gets up from his chair and like a lion about to pounce on its prey, he stalks towards me. I would be lying if I said I didn't like it. "Hmm..." he taps his chin and looks up at the ceiling. "Are you perhaps...jealous?" I scoff. " Jealous? Please I don't even know the meaning of the word." He returns to his desk puts his burger on its wrapping paper, takes up a dictionary, flips it open to a certain page and begins to read, " Jealous. Feeling or showing an envious resentment of someone or their achievements, possessions, or perceived advantages. Example, (Y/N) is jealous of Bucky because he has a nice, fat, juicy burger to chow down on, while she can't even eat a grain of rice. There. Now you know the meaning." He smirks, puts the book down, grabs his burger and begins to stalk towards me again._  
  
_"Stop." I warn him. He better not come near me with that._  
_"Stop what? This?" He takes a huge mouthful and moans loudly, "Oh! Oh ma gawd!" I can feel the anger rising. I scowl and fold my arms. He continues getting louder and louder with each word. He then doubles over in laughter and tears are coming out of his eyes. Without even thinking about it I grab his pillow and throw it right at his face. "I said to-"....wait a minute..I just. The burger falls to the floor. "Ow." His eyes then widen in surprise and his mouth is ajar. "Y/N...you just-..I mean you can...aughhhhh." I jump up and shout, "Bucky! I just hit you with the pillow. I can touch your pillow" I walk around the room and start touching things. "I can touch your books! I can touch your pencils! I can touch your laptop! I can touch your-" My hand goes right through his arm as I try to touch it. I try again and again but nothing changes. "Y/n? You can touch my what?" I sigh and sit on his bed. "Nothing. Nevermind. " He sits right next to me and look right at me. "How do you know where I am? Can you see me now?" He shakes his head and points to my butt. I furrow my brows in confusion. "I see your butt prints in my sheets. It's kinda weird but kinda cool." He chuckles and directs his blue eyes back to me._  
  
_"I'm guessing by that disappointed sigh I heard, that you still can't touch me?" I reply in a small voice and he nods._  
_"Well hey, it's a start right? I mean who knows what will happen next?" He smiles at me and I reply, "I guess."_  
_"I know what'll cheer you up. Since you can probably eat now, how about a nice, fat, juicy double bacon cheeseburger from HQ. I gotta get another anyway haha." He directs my attention to the mess of condiments and meat on the floor. I can't help but smile and agree._  
  
End of flasback

  
     Although Bucky was frozen as I ate the burger he bought for me and said it was weird seeing it disappear bit by bit in mid air, it was a good day as we spent the rest of it watching Vikings. Weirdly enough, although I never felt hunger before, somehow, after that moment, I started getting hungry around the same time Bucky did. We both agreed that it was weird, but he started taking two of everything at each meal and sharing it with me.

      Today Bucky said that Steve was coming over. They don't hang out as much as they used to since Steve finally won the heart of Peggy. I remember when he'd talk about her and Bucky woulld roll his eyes everytime. It made me long for a certain someone to have that look in his eyes when he thought about me. I knew that Steve was in love with her from the first time I heard him say her name. His eyes were beaming with affection. I've been saying all kinds of crap to Bucky so he wouldn't suspect even a hint of the crush I have on, but those things seemed to make him act weird, so I stopped doing that and started asking about Natasha and trying to be happy for the two, and even give him advice instead.  
  
       A knock at the door sounded from downstairs, and Bucky and I made our way down. He opened the door and Steve stood there in a red form fitting t-shirt, and navy blue shorts. As he greeted Bucky and walked in, Bucky closed the door, turned around and muttered, "His ass isn't that great." I couldn't help but chuckle as I stood at the end of the stairs. "What did ya say pal?" Steve asked. Bucky shook his head and smacked his hand on Steve's shoulder, "So how ya been?" Steve scratched the back of his neck and says, "I'm good. Great even. Last week Peggy and I agreed on applying to the same college. What about you?" Bucky rolled his eyes. "Of course you two are going to the same college. Might as well put a ring on her finger already. I don't know where I'm going yet. Maybe here, maybe there but I don't wanna talk about that right now. You came here to hang right? So let's get to it."  
  
       As they walked into the living room and started setting up the game console, I could see the forlorn look in Bucky's eyes. I knew he kept his application for art school under his bed. I wish he'd mail it but that's his decision to make.  
  
       Just as expected, Bucky and Steve fell into their normal routine. Bucly confided in me that he was scared that Steve's relationship with Peggy would put a strain on theirs, but judging by what I'm seeing, he has nothing to worry about. Everything was going great...until the pizza guy came.  
  
      Bucky got up as he heard the knock on the door. He paid for the pizza and carried it to the living room. My mouth watered as he opened the box. The scent of meats, cheeses and spices hit my nose as the swirls of smoke rose from the pizza. Steve grabbed two slices and started working on them. Bucky took a slice and hummed as he ate. When there were only two slices left, my hand reached for one of its own volition. I heard a squeal and turned towards Bucky. His eyes were wide and he looked like he'd seen a ghost. I guess Steve didn't see anything judging by the way he was staring at Bucky. "Uh Buck..everything alright? "  Bucky slowly nodded his head, "Yeah everything's...everything's fine." Steve muttered, "Okay then...well if you're not gonna eat anymore pizza, I'd be happy to take 'em of your hands if- Ow!" I smacked Steve's hand as he reached for the two slices. "What the hell?" He turned towards Bucky and rubbed his hand. "I think something just slapped me.." Bucky was sweating like crazy. "What? Dude come on you're imagining things." He let out a nervous chuckle. Steve then shrugged and took a slice out of the box.

       I decided to behave myself. If I didn't, then Steve would find out about me. But my mind changed when he grabbed the last slice. He was 2 bites away from finishing it when, "What the hell?" He shouted when the half eaten slice fell onto the couch. I couldn't help myself. I was so hungry. "Bucky did you see that?" Bucky shook his head. "No pal. I uh..didn't see anything. BUT MAYBE YOU'RE JUST IMAGINING THINGS AGAIN. IT'S NOT LIKE THERE ARE GHOSTS IN THE HOUSE OR ANYTHING." I took that as my cue to leave. I walked up the stairs quietly and halfway up I heard Steve tell Bucky he was gonna leave.

  
  
     I lay down on Bucky's bed and rested my arm over my eyes. I was still hungry. Then, Bucky's door opened and in he walks with a plate in his hand. "I'm sorry I didn't save you any pizza, that didn't mean you had to scare my friend away though." I sigh. "I'm sorry Bucky. I still don't understand this hunger thing. I'll try my best to control it." He sits next to me on the bed and I see a ham sandwhich on the plate. He offers it to me and smiles. "It's ok Y/n. We'll get through this together alright? So shut it and eat your sandwhich." He smiles at me and I take the plate from his hand. I finish the sandwhich in silence and he takes the empty plate. He gets up and walks toward the door, before he walks out, he turns back and says, "You know, it was actually pretty funny seeing Steve all freaked out like that. Think you can scare my dad next?" I giggled.

"Anything for you, Buck."


	5. Chapter 5

James' pov  
  
   It's been almost two months since I've met Y/n. We've gotten really close and I couldn't be happier. Everyday with her is better than the last, and even though she doesn't know anything about herself, she has more personality than half the girls at my school. She's helping me get ready for a date with Natasha, who finally forgave me for not remembering her dog's birthday. I felt awful about it and with Y/n's showed up at Natasha's with her favourite flowers and chocolate. She gave me that beautiful smile of hers and agreed to let me take her out tonight. I was initially gonna offer to cook for her and have a romantic evening in, when I realised my mom hasn't done the grocery shopping yet.  
  
  "...and remember to tell her that you love her outfit. She'll like that." I can practically here the smile in her voice as she reminds me once again to compliment Natasha. I smile as I fix my tie. "Thanks for helping me with all this. I don't know what I'd do without you. I'd give you a hug right now but, we can't actually..you know haha." She giggles and I see a dip in the bed. "Guess I showed up right in time huh?" I agree with her and take a look at myself in the mirror.  
  
  I turn to the bed and ask, "So, how do I look." There's a bit of silence before she says, "You look very handsome, James." That's one of the things I like about Y/n. She's honest. She tells you what's on her mind without even having to think about it. I'm glad I can do the same with her. Having someone to confide in these past two months has ben..I don't even know how to explain it. She just really makes me happy. A knock at the door interrupts my thoughts. "Oh. That's her. I'll see you later?" Why did I say see? "Yes Bucky you'll see me later." She chuckles a bit and the dip in the bed disappears. "I'll walk down with you." She offers. We make our way downstairs and I get ready to open the door.  
  
"Have a good time, Bucky. Hope all goes well." She sounds a little...disappointed?  
  
I pause and contemplate for a second..maybe I should just stay home. I can't stand the sound of her voice. She sounds so broken and...  
  
"Bucky, what are you waiting for?" She questions.  
  
"Maybe I should just stay home. You don't sound ok and-" I begin, but she cuts me off with a giggle.  
  
"I'm alright Buck. Go have fun."  
  
I begrudgingly open the door and greet Natasha. I compliment her on her dress like Y/n said to, and as we get into my car I can't help the sinking feeling in my gut. Why was she upset? Was it something I said? I'll be sure to ask her about it when I get home.  
  
"Bucky aren't we going to the restaurant?" Natasha's smooth voice pulls me out of my thoughts. I turn towards her, nod and back the car out of the driveway.  
  
Y/N's pov  
  
    I would be lying if I said I don't feel a little bit jealous. But, I'm happy that Bucky's happy. Even if he never returns my feelings, as long as he has that smile on his face, there'll be one on mine. All of a sudden I feel hungry. I go over to the fridge and pry it open. Ketchup. Hot sauce....blah..blah. There's no food! I search every cupboard but all I found was A pack of crackers. I empty it and my hunger still isn't sated.  
  
    Then, my mind does the worst possible thing. I begin to imagine all the food Bucky and Natasha are probably enjoying now. He said they were going to a fancy Italian  restaurant. They were probably elbow deep in pasta...tomato sauce...garlic bread... No I need to stop thinking about this. I need some air. At least that's what Bucky says when he's a little frustrated. I open the door and walk outside. Finally. The fresh air helps to clear my mind of all thought but one. I'M FREAKING OUTSIDE! HOW AM I OUTSIDE! Suddenly, I'm rolling around in the grass and waving my arms up and down. Thank God Bucky's neighbours are always inside, otherwise they'd freak. I can't wait to tell Bucky.  
  
    A couple hours later Bucky is back. I rush to the front door and open it. But on the other side of the door, Bucky has his hands in his pockets and  he's looking down. All motivation to relay the good news disappears as I focus on nothing but asking him what was wrong. He expains that Natasha accused him of ignoring her for the entire date and that she didn't know what was going on with him, but they should take a break for a while. My heart fell. In the beginning I would be happy this happened, but I'm the opposite. I hate seeing Bucky so upset.  
  
We go up to his room and sit on his bed.  
  
"Wanna talk about it?" He always does anyway so I don't know why I asked. "I guess I was a little distracted. I mean...I...I didn't mean to ignore her." Why was he distracted though?  
  
"Bucky. Are you upset because she wants to take a break? Or because of whatever you were distracted with?" He sighs. He rubs his hand over his face and unbuttons the top button of his shirt. He then whispers. "You were upset before I left. I don't know why but, I couldn't stop thinking about it."  
  
I couldn't close my mouth. Why was he thinking about that? I never expected him to...he's upset because of me.  
  
"Bucky, I'm not worth thinking about...maybe you should call Natasha and explain to her-"  
  
"No. I wanna know why you were upset." He whispers as he cuts me off.  
  
"That doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter it-"  
  
"It matters to me!" He shouts as he stands and runs his hand through his hair. "It matters to me...you..matter to me." He leans on his desk and shakes his head.  
  
I walk over to him. If only I could touch him, but I know that if I lay my hand across his back I wouldn't...feel it? Trying never hurt, and it definitely worked this time. I could feel the smooth muscle of Bucky's back beneath my shirt. Suddenly he turns around with wide eyes.  
  
"I can feel you. I...I can feel you." He reaches his hand out and I take it in mine.  
  
"I can't believe this...I can go outside and touch you all of a sudden in the same day?" Bucky's mouth opens in shock.  
  
"You can go outside?" I voice my agreement and I feel him pull me closer to his body. Suddenly, his arms close around me and I feel..safe..and warm and..no Y/n. You're just friends..  
  
I wrap my arms around his torso. We stay like that for a couple minutes and when we part, we start laughing and he leads to me the bed, hand still holding mine. He lays down and I lay down next to him.  
  
"You know what this means right?" He asks.  
  
"What?"  
  
"It means that soon, I'll be able to see you. I've been waiting to see that smile for a while now." I laugh at this.  
  
"Haha very funny Buck. What if I look like a scary ghost girl like in the movie we watched yesterday. I bet that wouldn't be a pretty sight haha." I feel a hand on my shoulder. Bucky rubs small circles into my arms as he looks directly into my eyes.  
  
"No. You're beautiful." He whispers.  
  
"You haven't even seen me yet Buck. You can't say that. "  
  
He smiles and lets out a gentle sigh."I don't need to see you...to know that you're beautiful."  
  
That night as we slept, anticipation filled our hearts as we dreamed up what would come next.  


 


	6. Chapter 6

James' pov  
  
    Y/n was without a doubt the most beautiful girl I've ever met. I once believed that about Natasha but, something flourished during our long talks and everything in between. Everytime we're together, I'm happy. I'm excited. I'm me. But somehow, I can't help but worry that one day I'll wake up and she won't be there. I don't know what this means but, what I do know is that I want her to stay.  
  
    I feel a weight against my chest and hear light snoring above me as I open my eyes to the light streaming through the curtains. Y/n. Maybe it should be awkward or strange or downright weird but it's not. It's familiar. It's comfortable. I tighten my arms around her and close my eyes, relishing the moment until I hear a groan. "Bucky, you're killing me and I'm already dead." Her voice is muffled by my chest and I can't help but chuckle. I loosen my hold on her and I feel her get up. "Good morning." She chirps. Hearing her voice first thing in the morning is something I've gotten used to, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't like it.  
"Morning." I reply. I then remembered that she could go outside. This changes everything. We could go to the movies, I can take her to HQ, we could even go to- wait...she's basically invisible. If people see me talking to someone who isn't there...I don't care what they think. I'm taking her out and we're gonna have fun.  
    
    Just as I was about to ask her if she wanted to go to the movies later, my mom rushes into my room. "James Buchanan Barnes. What is this I hear about you and Natasha taking a break." She's tapping her right foot on the carpeted floor "Good morning to you too mom." Her face is set in a frown as she runs a hand through her auburn hair. She and Natasha's mom were good friends and they basically talk about everything. They were convinced that Natasha and I were gonna get married. I had the same idea once too but then...things changed. I guess between now and last night, she found out about what happened on the date.  
  
     "Mom, I don't really wanna talk about it alright? It was Natasha's decision, and if I'm being honest, I don't think she was all that caught up about it either and-"  
She holds a hand up to stop me, "Either? You mean you don't care that you two broke up as well? Bucky just a month ago you were talking about Natasha every minute and now, all of a sudden you don't care anymore?" She sighs and sits next to me. I don't know where Y/n went but I hope she didn't go too far. I could really use a friend right now. But just when I think mom is gonna lay it into me, she puts a hand on my shoulder and looks at me. "James. You've been acting pretty strange these past few days. Anything you wanna tell me about?" Strange? What is she talking about? What could I have possibly done that was so...oh...the living room incident..  
  
Flashback  
  
_"Shut up he isn't that hot. He's a psychopath." I yell as I turn my attention back to the tv. "Are you kidding me? Ivar is a complete hottie! Just look at those eyes. They're almost as beautiful as yo-... I mean...they're beautiful." What was that? What was she gonna say. Almost as beautiful as whose? "Almost as beautiful as whose eyes Y/n? " Why do I care? "No one, Buck." She laughs and that's the last I hear from her for the rest of the episode. I throw some popcorn at her and she shrieks. "Bucky you don't wanna start a fight with me." I smirk, "And why wouldn't I wanna do that?" I ask._  
  
_All of a sudden, the entire bowl of popcorn falls on top of me. "Because I can move around without you seeing me numbnuts!" She starts laughing uncontrollably, and soon enough I join in. I then feel popcorn being thrown at my head, "Say he's hot! Say Ivar is hot! Say it?" She wouldn't let up until I say it. "Okay, okay, he's hot!" Right as I shout it, mom comes in through the front door. I hope to God that she didn't hear me. "Who's hot?" I hear her ask as she walks into the living room. "Uhhh no one.." I mutter. "Why is there popcorn all over the floor?" I can't exactly tell her the real reason why can I? "Well you see I was watching this show and I got really excited and I uh..knocked the bowl over?" Mom stares at me with an unreadable expression, then simply says, "Dinner will be ready in an hour."_  
  
Flashback over  
  
       "I don't know what you mean mom, I'm fine." She sighs.  
"James. You know you can tell me anything right?" Actually no mom I can't. I feel a light squeeze on my arm. Y/n. Silently telling me it's ok. I take a deep breath. "Mom, Idk how to put this but..-"  
"You're gay." Well that's a relief, I thought she was gonna..-wait. Wait, wait, wait...what? Nothing comes out of my mouth except for, "Uhh...whaa...I...You..umm..." Mom then pats my leg gently and smiles.  
"It's alright James. I understand. Why you aren't into Natasha anymore, why you're shouting at hot guys on the tv, it started when Steve got together with Peggy didn't it? It's alright sweetie. Nothing to be ashamed of. You like what you like."  
  
      What does Steve have to do with this? And why can't I say anything? "Mom...I..Steve is..."  
"I know sweetie. You like Steve, and you can't stand that he's with someone else. I know it's difficult right now but I know you're a smart boy and you can handle yourself." Oh..My..Gosh, suddenly I hear a giggle. I hope mom didn't hear it too. "Your father and I support you with whatever you choose ok sweetie?"  
  
      Ok now I was angry. If she thought I was gay fine, but she can't tell me that they support me in everything. That's a damn lie and I know it. "Oh really? You guys support me huh? Is that why you told dad about my art classes? Is that why he forced the school to stop them? Huh?" Her brown eyes widened. "James. I know you're upset but-" I cut her off, "No mom, I'm more than upset. I'm disappointed...I..I told you how much I wanna go to art school..I thought you..I thought you were on my side...I thought..I thought wrong." I kept my gaze on the floor and she removed her hand from my leg. "James. You have to understand that your father..he's just-" I get up from the bed.  
   
     "Just what? Trying to ruin my life? Trying to make me miserable because his stupid football dream got ruined when I came along! Well that's on him, and it makes no sense that he's punishing me for it!" I feel Y/n's hand on my shoulder, "Bucky...I need you to calm down ok." She says in a soft voice. Surprisingly, it seems like mom didn't hear her, but I brush her off. I can't calm down right now. Mom holds her head and sighs. "James...I...I'm sorry I told your father, and I'm sorry you feel this way. I'll call the school and tell them to start back your classes." She gets up, rests a hand on my cheek and walks out of the room. I slam the door and start pacing.  
  
     "She has to be joking. How can she say that? Why would she for one second think that I'd believe anything she has to say!" My nostrils are flared, I know my face is red and I'm pissing mad. I walk over to the window and slam my fists on the ledge. "Bucky..." I raise a hand, "Don't say anything Y/n. Please I..."   
  
    I don't know what to tell her. I feel a hand on my back, then she's rubbing my shoulders and up and down my arms. "Y/n, I just..I just.." I can't stop the tears that follow. I spin around and put my arms around her. "You're the only one that understands me...you're the only one I can trust I...It might sound crazy but I don't know what I'd do without you...I..." I rest my head on her shoulder and she's running her hand through my hair. She then whispers reassuring words. "It's ok to cry Bucky..it's ok to be upset..." I can't control my tears and we just stand there in eachother's arms. I don't know for how long, but I know that it was the safest I've ever felt.  
  
  
    When I finally calm down. I close my eyes and take a deep breath as she gently leads me to the bed. We sit next to eachother and when I look up I see the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on looking right back at me. "Y/n you...you're here and...you're beautiful.." I whisper. I slowly raise my right hand and cup her cheek. "Bucky...you see me you..you really see me?" I nod and she gives me the most beautiful smile. She laughs and rests a hand on mine. She leans into my hand and closes her eyes. With her...right in front of me, so bright and so beautiful..I can't control myself. I lean in and press my lips against hers.


	7. Chapter 7

 Y/n's pov

   I feel Bucky's lips against mine. It's warm, and soft, and....amazing. I feel giddy and hope that it can last forever, but just as fast as he kisses me, he pulls back. He looks directly into my eyes and I'm lost in his cerulean orbs. His breathing quickens, and he bites his bottom lip. He closes his eyes and he gives me the most beautiful smile. "Can...can I do that again?" I look down and laugh. "Bucky...you can do that as many times as you want." He grins and gently pushes me back.  
  
   He hovers over me with the biggest smile. He captures my lips again and his hand is on my waist, the other rests against my cheek. He squeezes my waist and I gasp. Then, I feel his tongue enter my mouth, like it's searching for hidden treasure. It's a new sensation and I wrap my arms around his neck pulling him closer. His knee bumps into a place I never noticed till now...and I shiver...all at once I feel hot and it's heaven. Bucky slowly pulls away and closes his eyes. He rests his forehead against mine and opens them. Right now..in this moment. I don't know what I feel but my heart is racing, my head is dizzy and I feel like I want to possess him...to be able to feel all of him at once. I gently whisper his name, "James..." He curses under his breath and lets out a soft groan..."Y/n...what I'm about to say next...I hope you understand that I-"  
  
  A knock at the door and a voice interrupts us, " James honey, I know you're upset, but please try to take a shower. You're in the same clothes you fell asleep in sweetie. I'm going to run some errands and pick your father up from the airport. I hope you feel better." Bucky's head drops against my chest and he mutter something. "What did you say, Buck?" He raises his head and sighs. "I forgot my dad was back today." He runs a hand through his hair and I cup his face gently. He looks at me, and smiles softly. "I gotta take a shower haha. You wanna take one? I mean you should be able to now right?" I honestly don't know. I haven't exactly tried. I've never had to do this before. I feel a hand on my shoulder. "Let's take this slow alright?" I nod and allow him to lead me to the bathroom.  
  
  
  I stand in front of the bathtub, staring down at the running water. Bucky's hands rest lightly on my waist as his head lies in the crook of my neck. "Just go for it." He whispers and kisses my cheek. I slowly move one hand toward the water and nothing happens, except for a cool feeling along my palm. I smile, then I start laughing. It feels so..different. "Well I guess that answers that question huh?" I hear Bucky say behind me. He proceeds to show me all the settings, kisses me, then walks back to his room.  
  
    I open the tap again and set it so the water is warm. I run my palm through it, still unable to comprehend the feeling. Just as I was about to step into the shower, I remembered..clothes..was I wearing them? Well yes I was..but where did they come from? I rush over to the mirror and search for my reflection..but there's nothing there.  
  
James' pov  
  
  It's unbelievable is what it is. First, I meet a ghost girl, then I don't like the ghost, then I tolerate the ghost, then I befriend her, then I like her and now...I still can't say it. It's something I've never felt before, and it scares and excites me at the same time. There's something about her and me that just...fits. There's something about that laugh, that beautiful smile..that beautiful soul of hers that makes me wanna protect and love every piece of her. She's beautiful, and I think I'm-...the water stops running. I hear a bit of shuffling on the other side of the door, then Y/n walks out stark naked. My eyes couldn't get any bigger as I stare at her. She looks at me and she's saying something but I can't hear her. I instantly turn around and cover my eyes. "Y/n...you..you don't...you don't do that..." I hear her footsteps come closer and I shout, "No! Don't come any closer...you should go put on some clothes then come back." I hear her retreating footsteps then collapse on my bed. Oh. My. Gosh. I can't believe she just...naked! Completely naked! I feel a hand on my back and I look up. She's wearing one of my t shirts, her hair falls softly around her face and it's a sught to behold. I try to get my head straight, then I sit her gently on the bed.  
  
   I pace in front of her and she's looking at me with this doe eyed expression that's enough to calm me down. "Bucky? Are you ok?" I stifle a groan and turn toward her. "Y/n...you can't just walk around with nothing on ok? It's...you just can't." She tilts her head and stares right back at me. "Naked? But I....ohhhh. I'm sorry, Buck. I just got a little confused when I looked in the mirror, I couldn't see anything so I just thought-" Wait what? "You don't have a  reflection?" I motion for her to come over to the mirror and she stands in front of it. There's nothing there.  
  
   She turns to me and furrows her brows."Bucky...I don't know anything I...who am I" I rub her shoulders gently.  
"We'll figure it okay? We just need to backtrack a little and-"  
"And you need to shower mister." All of a sudden she's shoving me towards the bathroom and I reluctantly leave.

    When I come out of the shower, she's running a hand through her hair, or rather trying to. She winces as she comes up on a tangle and tries to smoothen it out. "Here, let me." I grab my brush from my dresser and move to sit behind her against the headboard. She places her hands in her lap and crosses her legs. I out up the first half if her hair in a hair tie, then start working on what's left. I gebtly untangle each knot and she starts to hum. It's a beautiful melody, but I don't know it. "That a song you heard on the radio?" She doesn't say anything. I put the brush down and lift her chin to look at me.Her brows are furrowed and she's biting her bottom lip. "I...I don't know. I don't think so. It feels..familiar..." I brush my thumb over her cheek and place a chaste kiss on her lips. "It's ok...it'll be alright." She smiles and turns forward again.  
  
    By the time I'm done, her hair is smooth and tangle free. "All good. " She smiles at me and then looks down. "Can..can you do it in pigtails?" I chuckle, "Pigtails?" Looks like those mindless hours on youtube are gonna pay off for once. I ask her to turn around again and I begin working on them. I'm gentle in my movements, and she starts singing.  
  
_You're my little light_  
_Beautiful and bright_  
_I'll never let you go_  
_I'll always hold you close_  
  
_You have nothing to fear_  
_I will always be here_  
_To shield you from the dark_  
_We'll never be apart_.  
  
    Just as she finishes the song, her braids are done. "That's a cute song. Reminds me of the one my mom used to sing when she put me to bed. All done. I'd ask if you like them but you can't really see yourself so...if it's any consolation...I think you look beautiful." I  smile at her, but she doesn't smile back. Her eyes are slightly widened and her mouth is ajar. "My dad...he used to sing it to me when ...when he did my hair or when I..when I..." She's remembering something. Her dad. "What's his name..do you remember?" She closes her eyes and shakes her head. "I...I can't." I place a hand on her back and rub it gently. She then smiles at me and starts laughing. "James! I remember something! I remember!" She jumps on me and she's straddling me while shaking my shoulders and bouncing up and down right on my...uh..little friend. I sit up and steady her so she's on my lap instead. She's smiling and she's beautiful and I don't know why I feel like this. "Y/n..I think I-"  
  
"James! Come say hi to your father!" I hang my head and close my eyes. Great. Just great.

 


	8. Chapter 8

Bucky's pov  
  
   "I'm telling you the man is insane. He keeps pushing this project like it's gonna work." Dad rambles about his job as he shovels the spaghetti my mom made for lunch into his mouth. "Honey, that seems a bit harsh. I think he's just a little...eccentric." Dad snorts and wipes his mouth. "Eccentric is an understatement. I don't know why Stark agreed to partner with him. If you ask me he's just worried, I heard whispers that Hydra has this new tech and Stark wants to outdo them. Only reason he partnered up with the guy." My mom furrows her brows and asks, "What's his name again?" Dad pauses. "I can't remember..Wilfred..Wilber..something. Anyway, Stark appointed me as team lead. Apparently the guy insisted that it be me." Dad smirks and puffs his chest out a little. I can't help but roll my eyes.  
  
    "So that's why you invited him for dinner tonight?" Mom asks. "Yeah. I wanna get to know who I'm gonna be working under for the next two weeks." This guy seems like he really works up my dad. I like him already. I chuckle and my father snaps his head toward me. "Something funny?" I shake my head, "No, sir." He twirls his fork in his hand and clears his throat. "So...I hear you're gay." I almost spit the meatball out of my mouth as he says it. Probably not the best idea but hey, I'm already a disappointment to him. "Yeah. I am." Dad stares at me with a look I can't place, then he looks down at his plate and shakes his head. "You never fail to please your father do you." He drops his fork on the plate and fully turns his body to face me. "George." My mom folds her arms and stares at him. "Since when?" He raises his brows and taps his index finger on the back of the chair. I smile and stick a meatball with my fork. I'm gonna regret this someday. " What can I say dad. I live for the balls." I drag my tongue along the meatball and internally laugh as my father fumes with rage. "James that's enough go to your room. You two are impossible." I calmly get up and head back to room.  
  
Y/n's pov  
    
    I try so hard to hold in my laughter when Bucky licks the meatball. I meet him on the stairs where I was previously sat and he holds my hand as we go up. He catches me smiling and shakes his head. "You saw that huh?" I nod. He sighs as he lies down and stares up at the ceiling. I lie next to him and he turns toward me and pokes my cheek. I turn to look at him. "Hi." He smiles. I giggle and reply, "Hi." I run my hand through his hair and he closes his eyes. "You wanna get outta here?" I look at him and when he opens his eyes, the sadness behind them is enough to compel me to say yes.  
  
     Bucky's mom agreed to let him go out as long as he agreed to come back in time for dinner. I don't know where we're going but I can't help but gasp at everything I see. It's one thing to see the world from behind a screen but it's another to experience it yourself. Soon enough, Bucky's neighbourhood is a small line on the horizon. I turn forward and there's nothing but grass fields, and a long stretch of road. I close my eyes as I feel the wind in my hair and the cool breeze on my face. I don't know where we're going, but I'd go anywhere with him.  
  
Bucky's pov  
  
    Her eyes are closed and her lips are slightly open, and I know I'm supposed to be looking at the road but I can't help it. The childlike wonder in her face that brightens with everything she sees is hard to turn away from. After a while, the place I wanna take her comes into view and she opens her eyes when I park the car. She gasps and rushes out of door and plants herself on the grass. She rolls around on the gentle hill we're on and rubs her arms up and down along the grass. I chuckle and shake my head. She opens her eyes and laughs while I lay next to her. She hovers over me and says, "Bucky, I love it! Where are we?" I hold both her hands and urge her to sit up. I put my arm around her shoulder and direct her attention to the view. "We're everywhere." She follows my hand as I show her everything visible from up here. The bright city and its flashing lights, the quiet town and its brick houses, the glittering ocean along the skyline. Everything was visible from up here. Her eyes are wide in awe. "It's..it's beautiful." Her whispers are barely audible above the gentle breeze and I know it's cheesy, but I might just get away with it, "You know what else is beautiful?" She turns toward me and smiles, "You?" Great, she beat me too it. I start laughing and I can't stop. She joins me and rests her head against my shoulder.  
  
    We sit there for a long time in the cool breeze, away from everything and everyone. Everywhere and nowhere all at once. It's the most amazing feeling in the world and I never want it to end. The faint sounds of the city can be heard and coupled with everything else, they create a melody for just the two of us. I rub her shoulder and lift her chin. "I..I have something to tell you." She furrows her brows and shifts her body a little to face me. "What is it, James?" She called me James. I know I told her not to but, right now in this moment, my name whispered from her lips is the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.  
  
   The feeling in my chest builds and I feel like I'm about to burst. I take a deep breath and say it, "I love you." All of a sudden, there's a bright flash of light emanating from her chest and it's blinding. I put my hand in front of my eyes and try to decipher what's happening. The light dies down after a few seconds and when I look down she's unconcious on the grass. "Y/n?" I rest a hand on her shoulder and shake her gently. She feels..I don't know if it makes sense but she feels more solid. More...present.  
  
   I shake her a little harder this time, but she's not waking up. "Y/n? Y/n wake up...wake up." Nothing. I press my head against her chest, there's a heartbeat, something I didn't realise wasn't there before, but now is. She's ok...she's alive. She's alive...I call her name a few more times before I start shouting it, begging her to wake up. Then, a loud gasp sounds from her throat and she opens her eyes. She takes a few deep breaths, and hold a hand to her chest. "Y/n..are you ok?" She looks at me, and the faint glow she had before is gone. "Bucky? I...what happened." I explained the past few minutes to her except for the I love you part and she holds her head and winces. "Can you...can you take me home?" I nod and soon we're back in the car. The ride back home is silent. I look across to her but she's turned away from me. On instinct, I check the rearview mirror and it's there...she has a reflection, but there's no more wonder in her eyes. Instead, plastered across her face is a solemn gaze as she stares out the window.  
  
     When we get back, there's another car in the driveway. Crap. I forgot about the dinner. She exits the car and I go over to her. I hold her hand and look her in the eyes. "Are you ok?" She nods and we go inside. On our way upstairs I catch my mom in the hallway on her way to the kitchen, "James you promised you'd be back for dinner. Well you're not too late but come say hello before you go wash up." I look back at Y/n and make my way to the dining room. My father is seated at the head of the table and a man I don't know is seated with his back to me. "Finally you're here," my dad says. When the man turns around and stands to greet me, I feel a hand squeeze mine and a voice whisper, "Bucky that's..that's him..I know him he's..he's my dad." At the same time, the man says a familiar name, "Y/n?"


	9. Chapter 9

Y/n's pov

    I remember him. He's my father. How is he here. Ow! My head..they took me. I'm not supposed to be here. Wilfred's not his name his name is.. .all of a sudden I hear Bucky's dad awkwardly clear his throat, "Uhhh..who's y/n? Oh..great you're back." Just then, Bucky's mom walks in with a tray containing different dishes. She places them on the table and says, "Ok who's ready to eat?" During this time, the man...my dad...Wilfred hasn't stopped staring at me and Bucky hasn't stopped staring at him. Then Bucky excuses himself and takes me with him to the bathroom.                                                                                                                                       

      He closes the door then lets go of my hand. He runs a hand down his face and starts pacing up and down the carpeted floor. "Ok...your father...the guy with the...what? My dad works for...and he knows you're...and...what?" After a couple minutes, Bucky turns toward me and there's a look I can't place in his eyes. "Your dad huh? Are you sure?" I nod slowly. "How do you um...how do you remember him?" I tell him about the memories that resurfaced when I saw him, but I didn't tell him everything...I still don't understand why I'm here when I'm actually trapped in..that place. "Ok. I guess this is good? But we gotta talk to him, I mean we're the only two people that can see you. We have to-" suddenly there's a knock on the door.

    Bucky opens the door slowly, and Wilfred walks in. He pushes his glasses up on his face and straightens his coat. He's stood still as he stares at me, then he lunges at me and wraps his arms around me. "I knew I'd find you I just knew it..when they took you I...I just didn't know if it would work and...I'm so sorry Y/n." I feel his hand gently running through my hair. Bucky then springs into action and places a hand between us when Wilfred holds up a hand. "Thank you for taking care of her. But I have to get her back now. She can't stay there forever. She'll die if this continues." Bucky's eyes widen, "What?" My dad cups my cheeks and looks me right in the eye, "Y/n. You have to tell me where you are. Where are they keeping you?" I shake my head and I feel tears starting to form in my eyes. "Shhh, it's gonna be ok. Just focus your mind. Tell me where you are." I wipe my eyes. "I..I..I don't." Then I hear Bucky's mom's voice,            "The food is getting cold! Come eat everyone!" I look at Bucky, but he's not looking at me anymore. His nostrils are flared and his fists are clenched at his sides. Wilfred lets go of me and wipes his forehead. "Look, after dinner I'm going to take you to my office so we can activate your perceptive centre. Everything's going to be ok." Bucky's quiet when he speaks, but there's anger in his tone,

   "You can't just come in here and take her. I don't know who he hell you think you are but-"  
   "Son, there's a special energy at work here and you unlocked it. For that I am truly grateful, but this is something you should not dabble in...these people are dangerous and they will kill you to-"  
 "No. I don't give a damn! I'm coming. I'm not leaving her alone with you." He lets go of me and nods. "Very well. After dinner I will bid goodbye to your parents, get in my car and drive away, except I'll park down the street. Meet me at my car and we'll go together." With that, he opens the door and leaves the bathroom.

  After a somewhat awkward dinner, my father bids everyone goodbye and nods at the two of us. Bucky's mom asks him to help her clear up and wash the dishes. Then she kisses him goodnight and she and his father retire to their room. Bucky trudges up the stairs and enters his room. He sits on his bed and rubs his forehead. Everything is quiet. I want to say something but, what can I say. I'm not supposed to be here and everything is just...ruined. Bucky then says something, "My parents never let me out this late, but I know how to sneak out. They won't care to check on me."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y/m/n is your mother's name and Y/d/n is your dad's name... I think..at least I hope that's how it normally is in fanfiction. Also Wilfred is just an alias for reader's dad for now so wherever you see his name, that's who's being referred to. Anyway, enough rambling. Enjoy!

   "We're gonna have to go out the window." Bucky then takes my hand and leads me carefully out of his window, onto the ledge and the extended first floor roof. With a slight jump, we land safely on the ground and carefully make our way to the car parked about 100m from the house.  
Wilfred gives us a short greeting then drives off in the direction of Stark Tower.  
  
   The car enters an underground parking lot and Wilfred ushers us into a door using his badge. We make a few turns through pristine white floors and walls and stop in front of a large metal door with a keypad at the side. He enters a code, says his name and a scan passes over his face before the door opens. In the corner of my eye, I catch Bucky staring at me. I swallow the lump in my throat and move forward.  
  
   When we enter the room my jaw drops. It's huge. The floor's ivory tiles glisten under the the beams that hang from the ceiling. Everywhere you look has some gadget or unfinished invention with intricate designs. In a display case containing what looked like a small habitat, with flowers of various colours and small shrubs, a butterfly fluttered around. Its wings were...incredible. As it rests upon a blue petaled flower, I catch a better look at the wings that displayed all colours of the rainbow. It was beautiful. I call Bucky over and step closer to the glass case when I hear someone clearing their throat. My father. "Over here please." Bucky and I walk over to where he was standing in the middle of the room. A few steps lead to a circular depression with a chair surrounded by a complex device attached to a monitor. Wilfred starts mumbling a few things and presses a few buttons on the device.  
  
   "Y/n, I need you to sit in this chair so we can access your-"  
  
 "She's not doing anything until you tell us what the hell is going on." Bucky's hands are clenched in fists at his side and his nostrils are flared.  
  
"Fine." Wilfred takes of his glasses and rubs them with his coat. "I never wanted all of this to happen. Y/n is not what you think she is."  
   
    Bucky takes a few steps forward. "What do you mean not what I think...she is?"  
  
   Wilfred sighs and shakes his head a bit. "When Y/n's mother and I met at college she...she was so vibrant. She had the perfect pair of beauty and brains. We would talk for hours on end about everything. From scientific formulas to our favourite movies and...somewhere along the way we fell in love." Bucky looks down, then turns his head slightly towards me, but he turns back when Wilfred began again.  
       
 "We then started talking about having a family. She loved the idea of nurturing someone. Being there to see their entire lives from beginning to end she...she wanted a child so badly." He chuckled a bit. "I remember the look on her face everytime she saw a mother passing by with a baby or a child running to their parents. We got married fresh out of university and maybe we should have waited...but I wanted to make her mine officially. We were able to settle down somewhat. It was a dreadful apartment and we were still paying off our student loans with the only jobs we could get at the time...but it never stopped us from trying for the family we wanted. Unfortunately, we found out that she was incapable of...bearing children. It broke her spirit." He takes a deep breath and wipes his eyes. "She tried not to show how much it affected her but I could see it in her eyes. Around that same time, I got offered a job at Stark Industries.

    "Tony was friends with my professor and had received word of the paper I turned in for my dissertation on cellular regeneration. He came to see me personally at the small office I worked at. He agreed to help me fund my research to bring my ideas to life if I agreed to be partner in his company. I couldn't believe it and I accepted. I knew we could use the money and hoped it would make things a bit better. When I rushed home to tell Y/m/n's the good news...I found her on the bathroom floor unconcious. She hadn't been eating and her blood sugar levels were so low...I-I hated seeing her like that...so I switched my focus from cellular regeneration, to cellular formation.  
  
   "I explained why my plans switched to Tony and he understood. He and his now ex-wife also had trouble making children and it unfortunately led to their divorcs. I was determined to make my wife happy and give her the family she wanted. Tony told me to keep it private, something I never understood until everything went wrong, but to keep it under wraps, he moved us into a new house, like he did with all his new employees, but this one had a built in lab in the basement, the house in which the Barnes' family currently resides."  
  
    Bucky shakes his head , "But we don't have a basement."  
  
     Wilfred clasps his hands and takes a deep breath, "Tony made a few structural adjustments to the house. Due to the...eveeything that happened following the incident, he figured the best way to hide what happened was to carry on as normal. Your father happened to be one of the new employees of the division at the time, and by chance, your family became the new owners of the house."  
  
   I take a step forward as I try to piece together the scattered memories floating around in my mind. "What incident?" My voice is small as I speak, barely above a whisper.  
  
   Wilfred's eyes darken and his jaw tightens. "With a few tweaks to the machine I had already started and Tony's funding, I created a device that can generate biological matter at one's will. From previous experience, I realised that human emotion is a very powerful thing. I found a way to harness that energy and use it to generate living matter. If someone's will was strong enough, the energy produced from the force of their emotions would be harnessed by the device and living matter corresponding to that will would be created. Upon finishing my work I..I brought Y/m/n's down to the lab and when I explained it to her, she didn't believe me at first. Then, I attached the device to myself and right before our eyes in the holding chamber, a butterfly appeared. She was so happy. She was bright..vibrant again...and she couldn't wait to try it out...  
  
Flashback  
  
_Wilfred's pov_  
  
_The butterfly fluttered around the room in bright, beautiful hues of the rainbow. It was unlike anything I had ever seen before._  
  
_"Y/d/n....this is..this is amazing!" Y/m/n runs over to me and wraps her arms around me. She smiles and it's the happiest I've ever seen her. "We can finally have a baby...we can have a family." She beams with excitement as she looks at me. I take her face in my hands and kiss her softly. I grab the other attachment and place it on her heart._  
  
_"It has to detect both of us in order to work. Ready?" She nods. "Think of what you want...how it makes you feel." She closes her eyes, and I kiss her again._  
  
_I press our foreheads together and think of the family we'll have. Soon, I feel her grab my arm. I open my eyes and look at her. "Are you alright sweetheart?" She nods, "Yeah I'm ok. It just hurts a little." I furrow my brows. It's not supposed to hurt...I feel her hold on my arm tighten and her knees buckle but I catch her in time. "Honey...what...we need to remove the attachment."  I go to remove the device from her chest but she removes my hand and shakes her head, "No, I want this. For us." She squeezes her eyes shut and a a scream escapes her lips. "Y/m/n!" Her hand lets go, and her body goes limp in my arms._  
  
_"Honey...wake up." I shake her a bit and lower her down to the floor. I then hear a small cry from behind me. When I turn around, in the chamber a baby lies waving her arms and crying. She was a perfect mix of the both of us. I go over to my wife's body and beg her to wake up...but she's cold..she's so cold, "We did it...please...we have a family now we can..." my voice breaks and I lower my head down to her chest...there's no more heartbeat. I kiss her forehead and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, "I love you..I always will." I close my eyes and slowly get up. I cautiously approach the small creature and pick her up in my arms. I shush her and rock her back and forth. Then I stare at the limp, cold body of my wife on the floor as the butterfly rests upon her chest._  
  
  
Flashback over  


 


	11. Chapter 11

Y/n's pov  
  
     Tears escape my eyes when my dad finishes the story. My mom, my whole identity...nothing is as I thought. The only real thing I have..is Bucky. I turn toward him but he's wearing an unreadable expression while wringing his hands together. I look at my father, silently asking him to go on.  
  
  "It took too much of her. I realised that she wanted it so badly that the machine took more energy than I thought...and in the end...it also took her life. I thought that if we were both providing a source then transforming our combined forces into a living, breathing human would be no issue but...I was wrong..I lost focus and I...  
  
    "Anyway, Tony knew I finished the device as I attached a camera that recorded whenever I powered up the machine. He rushed over that day, and found me in the basement, Y/n in my arms...my wife dead. He made a big sacrifice for me that day, he helped me destroy the device. He said with what it can do, if it got into the wrong hands...God knows what would happen. He helped with the funeral arrangements and offered to move us to a new location but, I figured he's done so much for us already...I couldn't ask more of him. It was hard at first..going back to that basement, but I knew Y/m/n would want me to go on so I continued working with Tony, researching and inventing ways to make a better world. At the same time, I was raising Y/n. Everytime I looked at her, her mother came to mind. I thought it would be difficult but, she was the best thing I ever brought to life and I was more than happy to be her father. I watched you grow into a beautiful young woman..."   
  
My dad looks at me sadly. "Until they took you."   
  
  Bucky shakes his head. "I still don't understand something. My family and I moved here when I was 8. That was almost ten years ago. So you're telling me that all of this happened before that?"   
  
Wilfred nods. "For the past ten years I've been trying different ways to get my daughter back. The Y/n you see now, is a thought come to life from the real Y/n. What I don't understand is why she looks exactly like she did the last time I saw her ten years ago, on her 18th birthday. If the current Y/n has created this one, she should be much older.."  
  
 All of this is becoming too much. I rub my temples a bit as I try to process everything he just said. "What do you mean me being a thought from the real Y/n?"  
  
  "You see that display case with all the flowers and the...butterfly?" I nod.   
  
  "Those plants grew from nothing. It took some tests to figure it out, but the butterfly replicated what you now see in the case."  
  
"You mean he thought them up?" Wilfred nods.   
  
  "As it turns outs...the creations of the machine have an innate ability to carry out the same process, as the one that made them in the first place. Almost like how humans are a product of reproduction, and those humans also have the ability to reproduce. But it takes a sheer amount of will for this to happen. I admit I never really cared for the little creature...it brought up so many bad memories. I left it in there with no food or water, forgetting that it was also a living thing. But surprisingly, it survived. I've realised that it has a lifespan much higher than normal butterflies do. After about a year, those plants started growing and constantly renewing themselves each year. They were created from the butterfly's will to live. I believe the same has happened with the real Y/n. Wherever these people are keeping her, her will to live has been slowly creating this version throughout the years. She must have been reminiscing all these years, thinking of home, and seeking comfort in her memories, which is why this version was produced in what is now the Barnes' household in James' room, which was once her place of comfort. Her familiar place."  
  
It hurt to hear him talk like this. It made me feel insignificant...like I'm not real...like I'm just a ghost.   
  
I look over to Bucky, who looks like he's about to say something. "You keep mentioning these people? Who are they?" Wilfred shuddered and one word comes out  
"Hydra."


	12. Chapter 12

   "Ok. Just focus on the sound of my voice. Breathe in...Breathe out...In...Out. Good. Now, try to isolate one of the memories. It'll be hard at first considering they're all jumbled and you won't be able to make sense of it, but focus on a sole object in one of them. A hair pin, a cloud, a tree, just something that can help with clarity. Then, open your eyes, and jump into the moment." The machine beeps rapidly, and then everything comes into focus.  
  
Memory sequence.  
  
Memory 1  
  
    One more month till I graduate, the one good thing about this year. Well that and today's my birthday. I drop my bag on the counter and call for my dad. "Dad! I'm home." No answer. It's not surprising though. He's usually knee deep in electrolytes or something in his lab. I make my way to the basement, but as I get to the bottom of the stairs, I see no sign of him. Now this is surprising. "Dad? If you're trying to surprise me it's not funny, okay? I alrea- mmpph." A large, rough hand covers my mouth and a sharp pain rips through my neck. I try to focus my eyes, but the ceiling gets blurry and I'm suddenly tired.  
  
   I wake with a start. At first, I betray my logic for a dream. A dream that I'm in my own bed, in my own room at home. But the bare room and the thin, white cloth that's replaced my clothes are enough to rip me out of my wonder. I don't cry. I don't shiver. "What do you want?" At first, there's no sound. The silence in the room is unsettling and like a vacuum it sucks all sense of hope from within my being. "Your creation has brought me purpose." The gravelly voice sounds from the entire room. It's a man, and his breathy laugh reverberates through my core. "That doesn't answer my question. Money? Revenge? Some sort of gratification? What do you want?" The voice seems to disappear, but it speaks again and this time, I shiver. "I want to remove every inch of you until there's nothing left."  
  
Happy Birthday to me.  
  
  
   Memory 2  
  
   It's been two weeks and nothing has happened. Worst of all, there's nothing to do in this room. I've checked every crevice, every inch and there's nothing. There is a small device under the bed, I figure that's where it's voice comes from, and I'm more than glad that there are no cameras. The small toilet and even smaller sink is adjacent to the bed I'm shackled to, and are the only other objects in the room. The grey walls and ceiling have a metallic quality to them and the glimmer still makes me nauseous. At least the food is good. I chew slowly on the turkey sandwhich, relishing in the simple action of eating. The one activity I was allowed every day for the past two weeks. "Thanks for switching up the meats. Maybe you could try bringing me a double bacon cheeseburger next time? And uh maybe someone could actually bring it to me instead of pushing it through the door like I'm an animal?" Surprisingly, it answers. "Maybe." Why did it answer today of all days? "Now you answer me. What, is today a special day?" I chuckle a bit as I finish the sandwhich. As I swallow the last bite, it laughs an awful laugh and warns, "You'll find out."  
  
    Memory 3  
  
  Two months. It's been 2 whole months and nothing has happened yet. There's a searing pain in my right shoulder, and I rub it gently. Everytime I black out then wake up, there's a new ache in a new part of my body. I keep checking every inch to make sure I'm not hurt, but everything's always the same. I need to find out what they're doing. Two months of this is enough.  
  
   I try to find a pattern in my blackouts. The first time in happened, was two weeks in. Turkey sandwhich then nothing. Two weeks after that, Chicken sandwhich then nothing. Two weeks after that ham sandwhich then nothing. Which means that every two weeks at dinner, I black out. So the next time I'm scheduled to black out would be...today. The sandwhiches. The sandwhiches must have something in them that's making me blackout, but how do I know what?  
  
  Memory 4  
  
    It takes me 2 months to realise what exactly makes me black out. Bastards baked it into the bread. Like clockwork, dinner arrives. I make sure to remove the slices and eat the rest of the sandwhich. I figure it has to hear me eat something, otherwise it'll know. After eating, I rip apart the two slices of bread and flush them down the toilet. Today's the day I'm gonna find out what it does to me. I slowly walk across to the bed, feigning fatigue, then I collapse on the white mattress. Nothing happens for a few minutes, then the door opens. The menacing creak almost entices a shiver, but I remain still. I feel hands along my waist and shoulder, then I'm lifted into the air. The hands are large and rough. I knew instantly it was the person that took me. I try to even out my breathing as I'm lowered onto a cool surface. Then, I hear whistling and the steady screech of wheels along the floor. I don't dare open my eyes. I feel the twists and turns of the tray as I'm wheeled through hallways. I then feel a raise in elevation. An elevator. My stomach churns as I could feel myself going up and up and up. I never thought I could hate the sound of an elevator ding until now.  
  
     "Fully healed just as expected. What shall we try next eh?" It cackles. "This is some fine work Zola. I never thought in a million years that this would be possible and yet, here it is right in front of us." A second voice speaks. It's loud and hearty. I want to grind my teeth in annoyance, but I remain still. Any slight movement and they'll know. "Put her on the bed." Once again, I'm lifted and placed on another surface. It's harder than the mattress in the room, and I try hard not to shift for comfort. "I think we can try the leg next." I feel a cool, sharp object run along the length of my thigh. It takes everything in me not to shudder. "Are you sure she can't feel anything?" The other voice asks. "Yes, yes. The powder puts her out cold, like she's on anesthetic. I didn't bring you here to question my work, I brought you hear to see it." It growls. Maybe I didn't think this through. "Very well, carry on."

     What happens next, tears a bloodcurdling scream out of my lips. I sit up and open my eyes. A deep incision oozes blood on my left thigh. Somehow, it's the last thing I think about as I stare up at the three faces in front of me. I kick the one closest to me and he falls back holding his nose. I grab a scissors from the bedside tray and slowly back away from the other two. The one on the floor is in a labcoat groaning. His glasses are smashed to pieces to the side of him and his eyes hold anger but also...amusement?. Of the other two men, one is smiling. He has a huge scar along the left side of his face and his pearly whites contrast with his dark beard. I figure he's the one that took me as the other guy is in black tie attire with a dumb look on his face.

  
  "Come on sweetheart. Put the scissors down before you hurt yourself." Scar warns. I continue to back away from them. I look around the room and the only way out is the elevator. There's a window directly to my right, and there's nothing but trees for miles. With this height, I'll surely die. I can't die now. I need to stay alive for my dad. "Let me go." I command. It gets up now, and brushes off his coat. "I can't do that. You're too valuable." I shake my head and swallow the huge lump in my throat. "I don't care. Let me go." I knew it was useless, but I had to try even if I'd end up back in that room. "You said she wouldn't feel anything. Well explain that!" Suit and tie directs to it. "Obviously she figured it out. She's an intelligent creature...just like her father." It cackles and this time I point the scissors in his direction. "Do not talk about my father." It shakes it's head and takes a step forward. "But my darling, he's the very reason you're here." I furrow my brows but stay on guard.

    The elevator is to the right of those two. If I make a run for it, I might make it. I try to keep my eyes on the scientist though as I make I seem as though I'm moving away from him as I get closer to the elevator. "So this is what you're doing huh? Cutting me up? You're sick." As he steps toward me a bit more, I slowly step away from him and closer to the elevator. I keep my eyes on the other two, who are planted in the same spot. As soon as I get about 2 feet from the elevator, I quickly back into the door and press the button. A small voice in the back of my mind asks why they're not trying to stop you, but the survival instinct in me shuts it up. A small sigh of relief escapes me as I hear the ince dreaded ding. I back into the elevator, scissors still raised in fron of me as my hope grows again. But it doesn't last for long. "Didn't count on me did ya?" A voice sounds from behind me. "Wipe her then put her in cryo." Those are the last words I hear before everything goes black. 


	13. Chapter 13

Memory 5

I wake with a start, and the first thing I feel is the cold. My skin feels like ice and my body feels stiff. I get up and walk around a bit to regain some feeling in my numb limbs. Soon enough, I feel like my blood starts pumping again and I sit back down on the bed. I can't help but wonder what I'm doing here. What do they want? The last thing I remember is being taken. Whether there were parts in between, I can't tell. "Hello! Anybody there?" I shout. No reply. I bring my knees up to my chest and think of home. 

 

Memory 6

It feels like I've been here for ages. I don't know exactly how much time has passed. My internal clock has shattered along with any hope I had of ever getting out of here. Each day is the same thing. Eat. Sleep. Eat. Sleep. It's a neverending loop of despair and I find some peace in my dreams. I wish to be safe again. I wish to be home again. The details of my past life are slowly fading away, but I close my eyes and it takes everything in me to imagine what it would be like to be there again.

Memory 7

 They're almost gone. I try to remember something, anything about who I was, but the essence of my being dissolves with each passing moment. His song. His song holds the tiny fragments left of my past self together. I remember his voice. Deep and soothing. A lullaby in the dark of the night. A melody of comfort. I whisper the words with all the strength I can muster. 

 _You're my little light_  
 _Beautiful and bright_  
 _I'll never let you go_  
 _I'll always hold you close_  
  
_You have nothing to fear_  
 _I will always be here_  
 _To shield you from the dark_  
 _We'll never be apart._

Memory 8

It's cold. My soul is hollow and my mind is incomplete. Something was there at one point but now it's gone. Warmth is a distant memory. Time seems to stand still and I seem to sleepwalk with every step. My only goal now is to survive, but maybe that in itself is futile. If only I can remember purpose. Maybe then I'll be able to decide. My resolve is wearing thin.

Memory 9

I tried to refuse them. But they must have done something because I'm still here. Or maybe I'm not here. Was I made to suffer? If so, why do I question it? I remember nothing.

Memory 10

There is only the cold and I begin to crave it.

 

End of memory sequence

    Wilfred's eyes are glossy with unshed tears. Bucky's face seems deviod of emotion. If they just witnessed what I saw in my mind on the monitor, then I understand fully. "She needs to get out of there." I whisper. Wilfred wipes his eyes and nods. "Y-yes. She does. Thanks to you I've been able to triangulate her location. You've been a great help. I'll take you two back home in a few minutes. James, may I speak to you for a moment?" Wilfred says as he removes the the various wires and attachments from my body. Bucky finally moves from the place he stood in front of the monitor and follows Wilfred to the corner of the room. I think about her...me...I don't know. She seems to be losing more of herself while I gain more of her. As much as I wish for everything to be okay, I can't help but feel like this is going to end badly for one of us.

   "Thank you. Thank you so much." Wilfred wraps his arms around my frame tightly. I return the hug and try not to cry as he whispers three little words in my ear. He shakes hands with Bucky and wishes us a goodnight before he drives away. Bucky then motions for me to follow him back the way we came to his room. His back is facing me as he runs his hand over his face. "I'm such an idiot." From my spot on his bed, I furrow my brows and ask him what he means.

"I fell for you and you're not even real. This is probably the stupidest thing I've ever done."

"Bucky, I don't get why you're saying this."

"You know I gave up a lot for you. My girlfriend. My friends. My art. Ever since you came here my entire life has gone to crap and I never even realised it." He chuckles a bit and shakes his head.

"I thought we were okay. I though-"

He cuts me off and his voice is a little louder than before, "Thought what? What exactly did you think was gonna happen Y/n? You thought we were gonna run away together and have a magical fairytale life? You must be kidding me. You're not even real! Don't you get how twisted this is? I was an idiot to ever fall for you in the first place and now there's some girl out there who's dying because of you!"

"Bucky..I-"

"No! I want you gone. I don't want you here anymore! Just go!"

 

Bucky's pov

  She's gone. She's gone and I'm not going to cry. She's gone and it's for the best. She's gone and I'm never getting her back. 


	14. Chapter 14

 "Hey, son." I look up from my sketchbook to see my dad at the door.  
I smile at him. "Hey, dad. What's up?" He moves his hand from behind his back and reveals a big envelope. "It's from the art school. I thought maybe we could open it together." I nod and move to my bed where he sits next to me.  
  
  Within the weeks of her absence, I've decided to make a few changes. If anything, she taught me that sometimes when you think no one cares, someone actually does. After a heart to heart with my parents, we gained a bit more understanding on both sides. My dad expressed his worry about me turning out like him. My mom expressed her opinion that he was a good father. I realised that maybe I shouldn't have fed into his football dreams and just told him from the start that I wanted to do art. We were both in the wrong, and it took a long time for us to relaise that, but I'm glad we finally did. I learned that he actually does care, he just shows it differently. My parents might be a little weird, but I wouldn't change them for the world.  
  
   I hold my breath as I open the envelope. I close my eyes as I reach my hand in. "Come on, son. No matter what you do whatever's in there isn't gonna change." He chuckles a bit and I pull out the paper. Soon, there are hugs and kisses and a congratulations party in our living room where I manage to reconnect with my circle of friends, even Nat, who all got into the schools they wanted. Amidst all the laughter and smiles though something was still missing, and I knew exactly what it was.  
  
I take a deep breath as I look up at the stars. I lean against the balcony in the backyard as I lose myself in thought. "Whatcha doin out here?" Nat's voice cuts through the air as she stands next to me.  
  
 "Just taking it all in." I send a smile her way as she nods.  
  
 "It's a beautiful night isn't it." She says as she cranes her head to see the wide expanse of bright masses against the ebony backdrop.  
  
 "Yeah. It is." I reply.  
  
"So, when am I gonna meet her? Your mystery girl."  
  
I furrow my brows and send a look her way.  
  
"Oh please, Buck. I knew it from the moment you got in the car on our last date. Don't get me wrong, I was a bit disappointed but, the look in your eyes, I'd give anything to feel like that about someone one day. We had fun together, but I knew it too. We weren't supposed to be. Sometimes I think you just fell in love with my facial symmetry." A loud laugh escapes my lips as she says it and I can't help but hold my stomach. Soon enough she joins in and our laughs run along the midnight air.  
  
"She's gone though. It's like she was here for a moment, and then she wasn't." I struggle to keep the tears at bay.  
  
"Maybe one day she'll come back. If not then hey, at least you're one of the few people who got to experience a love like that." Natasha whispers. She then places a kiss on my cheek and runs a hand along my shoulder as she goes back inside.  
  
"Maybe. Yeah, maybe." I look up at the stars and think that maybe Nat's right. But there's something in me that pushes that thought out of my mind. I hurt her. 

Flashback

" _James, may I speak to you for a moment?" I hear Wilfred ask. I remove myself from the spot I've been glued to for the past hour. I didn't know what to think. All I know, is that Y/n is safe with me. I look over to her and see how deep in thought she is. I want to hold her in my arms so bad, I want to tell her how much I love her and I want this all to end. But the look on Wilfred's face says none of that can happen._

_"James, there is something you need to do and it's not going to be easy."_

_I furrow my brows. "What do you mean?"_

_He takes a deep breath and what he says next makes me wanna punch him in the face._

_"I need you to break Y/n's heart."_

_I flare my nostrils and clench my fists at my sides. "What?" I ask incredulously._

_"I don't know if you've realised it yet, but the Y/n that is sitting in a cell is losing her strength and memory with all that they're doing to her. The more that happens, the more her essence shifts over to this Y/n and soon, she'll be all that's left."_

_"Well what's wrong with that? You'll have your daughter back and she'll be safe. Right?"_

_"James, you don't understand. The real Y/n's energy is tethered to this one. If that Y/n dies there in that cell, this one will soon follow suit. The strengh of your emotion adds to that energy and it's what is keeping her here. But if you make it seem like you don't care for her, then the energy tether will decrease significantly and she'll shift back to the original."_

_"No. No I'm not doing it. Ask me to do anything else. Anything, not this. She is real. She's real to me. I love her please. Please don't make me do this." I fight back tears as I beg him to find another way._

_"This is the only way to keep any of her alive, James. She needs her strength back. I fear that even another day of what she's going through will mean the end. Please, James. It's the only way." Wilfred pleads for me to agree to what he's asking and it makes this even harder._

_I take a look at Y/n and wipe a stray tear. "I'll do it."_

Flashback over

  That night, two hearts were broken. I don't know if mine will ever be whole again. But, I do know that I still love her, and if I could do anything to get her back, I will. Maybe she will come back someday. 

"Maybe." I whisper to the night sky. 


	15. Author's Note

I'm so sorry to leave you all in wait. Christmas and New Year's were so hectic. My stomach feels like it will be full for a decade and I've been so tired to type even though I know how I'm going to end this story. Don't worry it'll all be ok haha. Coming tomorrow is the epilogue. Thank you to all the readers that stayed for this entire project of mine. I hope tomorrow will meet your expectations and I hope I'll be a better writer in the next one. Much love ; )


	16. Chapter 16

10 years later  
  
   "I can't believe she thought you were into me man!" Steve shakes his head as he takes a swig of his beer.  
  
"It's partly my fault considering I encouraged it." Bucky smiles as he remembers the real reason he acted so weird.  
  
 "Well I for one think you two would make a great couple." Peggy nudges Steves shoulder and winks at him.  
  
"Speaking of great couples, I still don't know why you let this one go." Sam nods at Natasha.  
  
"It's his business Sam. And I thought you were over her? Or should I give this engagement ring back?" Maria questions as Sam shakes his head.  
  
"All I'm saying is, Nat was the girl of your dreams then all of a sudden you forget about her." Sam places his arm behind Maria on the backrest of the couch and pulls her into him.  
  
"He was too much in love with mystery girl." Nat pops a potato chip in her mouth then leans against Bruce.   
  
"Mystery girl? What is she on about Buck?" Steve furrows his brows and waits for Bucky to answer.  
  
"Look, that was a long time ago I'm over it. Anyone watch the game last night?" Bucky hopes they latch on to the second part of what he said if only to save him from talking about her.  
  
"Is that why you can't keep a date to save your life? Mr.Can't-commit-for sh*t?" Sam jokes and Maria swats the back of his head.  
  
Bucky looks down at the floor and scratches the back of his head at a loss for words.  
  
"Alright guys I think that's enough. We should get going anyway Steve, it's almost time for our flight." Peggy pats Steve's chest and he stands with her in tow. Bucky silently thanks Peggy wih a nod and she smiles back at him.  
  
"On that note, I think we should get home too. Nat's got an early morning." Bruce fixes his glasses and puts his arms around Nat. They join Peggy and Steve at the door.   
  
Bucky stands to say goodbye to all of them and looks expectantly at Sam. Sam looks back. "What?"  
  
"Aren't you gonna leave? Don't you have a wedding to plan?" Bucky asks.  
  
"Actually I wanna continue this conversation." He settles in the couch before Maria yanks him up by the arm and Sam yells in pain. "Have a goodnight, Buck." She smiles at him and follows after the rest of the group with her wincing fiancé behind.  
  
Bucky closes the door and takes a deep breath.   
  
Y/n  
  
   He hasn't said that name for a whole decade. It was as if it was all a dream. Something that was, then wasn't anymore. A moment lost in the wind. He tried to forget her, but every night that fell pulled him back into her memory as he slept. He wouldn't lie, he'd has his fair share of women for the past ten years. Jessica, Leah, Patricia. He could go on and on and sure he had his fun, but none could replace what he lost that day. After years of fleeting relationships and one night stands, he stopped dating altogether. If he had to spend the rest of his life alone and in wait for something that would probably never come, so be it.  
  
   He looks at the clock above his tv, 10:02. He sighs as he rubs his hand down his face. He knew he should go to bed if he wanted to be at the office on time. His boss wanted the designs by tomorrow, and there wasn't a moment he could spare. But despite the wonderful memories that awaited him in his lone room, he also feared that he wasn't doing the right thing by not moving on. He chuckles to himself and chugs the rest of his beer. He cleans the leftover chips and bottles before he finishes up in the bathroom and retires to a night of painfully, blissful dreams.

  ---  
  
  "Great work, Barnes. I'm sure our client will be very pleased with what you've drawn up." Mr.Coulson's voice rings through Bucky's ear and makes him perk up from where he sat in front of his boss' huge desk.  
  
  "Uh, th-thank you sir." Phil Coulson was a hard man to please. But here he was, smiling at Bucky with the first designs he worked on for an entire 3 months. After he gave him the assignment, Bucky wasn't sure he could handle such a huge job. Although he wasn't privy to the identity of the client, his boss told him they were prepared to pay a large sum of money for a design that would make their building stand out amongst the city, while maintaining the simplicity and comfort that every business should be able to afford their customers. Bucky still didn't know why his boss assigned such a big job to him of all people, but he loved what he did and taking on such a huge challenge helped him improve his work ethic and skill.  
  
"Well, now all that's left is to send a copy over to Mr.Stark himself and wait for his partner to come in and go over everything with you." Bucky's jaw drops.   
  
"M-Mr.who?" He asks, eyes wide.  
  
"Tony Stark. You know him. Well, you should. He's owns the biggest tech industry in the country and not to mention helped with the capture of that underground organisation uh..." Coulson snaps his fingers trying to place a name.  
  
"Hydra." Bucky finishes for him  
  
   Coulson clicks his finger at Bucky. "Right! Hydra. Those bastards. We're lucky they were caught. Who knows what would have happened if they weren't." Bucky raises his brows and mutters a word of agreement under his breath.  
  
"Mr. Coulson. Tony Stark's partner is here to see you." A voice sounds from the phone on Coulson's desk. "Thanks Gina, send her in."  
  
When she walks into the room, Bucky loses his breath.   
  
"Ah Ms.Y/l/n. Tony said you wouldn't be here for at least an hour." Coulson shakes her hand and she smiles warmly at him.  
  
"Please, call me Y/n, and of course he did. When he's busy he has no sense of time." Her voice is like silk and Bucky struggles to understand what she's saying.  
  
"Oh and I am so sorry for your loss. Your father will surely be remembered for his work." Coulson says and she looks down a bit before replying.  
  
"Thank you. He will be missed, but his memory will live on in his creation. Speaking of creation where are my manners, you must be James?" She turns to Bucky and a sound comes out of his mouth, but he's not sure what exactly.  
  
"I know this is the best architectural firm in the state, but I have to say out of everyone in this building, your work impressed me the most and I looked over hundreds of blueprints let me tell you. I knew you would be a great fit for this. Oh wait, where are my manners, I'm Y/n Y/l/n, senior partner at Stark Tech." She reaches a hand out to him and he struggles to stand. When he does, his feet fail him and everything goes back.

\---

  
 "He's going to be alright. Just a minor shock incident. Once he wakes up he can go home. No need to worry" Bucky hears a voice say. He then hears shuffling out of the room. He opens his eyes slowly and blinks a couple of times  
   
  "Oh!" He hears more shuffling about the room then opens his eyes fully. His vision is a bit fuzzy but soon everything comes into focus.   
  
"Drink this." It's her. She's standing next to him in one of the infirmary rooms at work and she's holding out a small plastic cup of water.  
  
He takes it and downs it in one go. She then takes the empty cup and throws it in the trash.  
  
For the first time, Bucky can speak. "What happened?"  
  
   She chuckles a bit then says, "Well, I introduced myself to you and you fainted. Mr.Coulson had you brought down here and I somehow feel like it's my fault so I came to see if you were ok and the doctor told me that you are, so that's good." Bucky tries to hide his smile at that.  
  
  "Well, thank you." Bucky then remembers how she showed no sign of knowing him at all. He searches her eyes for any recognition of who he was, but there was nothing. All this time spent waiting and when the moment comes, he still doesn't get what he wants. Bucky feels a strong sense of hopelessness and holds back a sob. He's happy she's safe but, she doesn't remember him and it's enough to make him want to curl in a ball and just lay in bed forever. That is until she speaks again.  
  
"Would you like to go to dinner?" Her eyes are expectant and she's twiddling her thumbs.  
  
"I mean, we could kill two birds with one stone. Talk over the plans and maybe I can apologise properly for what happened." She laughs nervously and looks at him.  
  
He smiles, "It's not your fault doll. It was an accident. I was just shocked that you liked my work so much. But, I will take you up on that offer."   
  
She smiles and it's big and toothy and everything he could ever want.  
  
  
  5 years later  
  
  "Girls, what did I say about conjuring up puppies?" Bucky scolds his 3 year old twin girls as they race around the house with a golden ball of fur in tow.  
  
 "Sowwy daddy, we just wanna play a bit." He catches them by their arms and starts attacking them with tickles. "Ok, but only until dinner then I'm taking him away, ok?" They nod then resume their chase around the house.  
  
    He feels two hands skate around his waist and he smiles. "They're just trying to have some fun, Buck. They still haven't gotten a proper hold on their powers." He turns around and kisses her deeply.  
  
"Like you have?" He teases  
  
   She slaps his shoulder playfully, "Oh shut up that was one time, and I was really hungry." He smirks and kisses her again. "Plus, their creations don't inherit the ability so there's a bright side."   
  
  "Yeah but I'm tired of placing puppy ads online hoping someone will buy them." He groans.  
  
  "Well, maybe you should let them keep this one." She whispers as she directs his attention the the two bundles of joy giggling in the living room as the puppy licks their tiny faces. Bucky smiles.  
  
  "Alright girls, you can keep this one. But remember, a pet is a very big responsibility so you have to-" before he could finish his sentence he gets bombarded by his little angels and the little fur ball attacking him with kisses. Soon his wife joins in on the fun. 

\---

    As Bucky lays in bed, arms wrapped around his beautiful wife, he whispers a silent thank you for everything he gained. That first time he saw her again, he wasn't sure he was ever gonna be happy again, but as he thinks back to that fateful date, he couldn't stop grinning to himself.  
  
Flashback  
  
_"I'll have the pasta and just another water please. Thank you."_  
  
_"And I'll have the steak and the same. Thanks." Bucky clears his throat as she bites her lip._  
  
_"I'm really glad we could do this. If I'm being honest, I was pretty excited to meet you. After I saw your work I've been fangirling pretty hard." She let out a nervous laugh and he smiles at her reassuringly._  
  
_"The feeling is mutual actually. I didn't know you were the new face of Stark Tech. I've been keeping tabs on that place for a while now bec- um because my dad works there and I always thought Tony headed the tech division."_  
  
_"Well actually, my dad was the head and Tony was the one on the sidelines. He said he didn't like the spotlight very much so he worked in the background, but Tony was the face of it. It's his name that's gonna be on the new building after all haha. Ever since I could remember, my dad involved me in his work. Something actually happened, um...I was taken and my dad was in a bit of trouble with some really bad people..I don't know if you knew about the whole Hydra thing? Well, I don't remember much of what happened but from what my dad told me, they kept me for a really long time but they wiped my memory so much, it messed up my brain. When my dad finally found me, I was practically braindead. He had to do a good bit of work on me before I was ok again. When he told me it had been ten years I freaked out a bit, but I was glad to be with him again. We had a normal life again with a fresh start. When I went to college it was like Tony was just waiting for me to graduate to snatch me up to work alongside my dad since in his words, 'Genius runs in the family'. We had so much fun together. Unfortunately, a couple years later there were a few complications with his heart and well...he died. It was tough but I guess sometimes you just have to move on you know?" When she finally looks up at Bucky, her eyes widen and she starts shaking her head._  
  
_"Oh my gosh, I'm so rude. I've been talking about myself this whole time when we didn't come here for that. I'm sorry for all my rambling. If you wanna just get this to go and talk about the plans in a more professional setting I understand." She settles her eyes on the smooth wood of the table and takes a sip of water. She places it back to it's position amd ourses her lips._

_Bucky places a hand on hers. "It's perfectly ok doll, I could listen to you all day. I'm sorry about your dad by the way. I bet he was a great man." He smiles softly at her and she just looks at him._  
  
_Bucky's breath hitches in his throat, wondering if she remembers him._  
  
_"Have we met before?"_  
  
_He swallows, "Um, no I don't think so."_  
  
_She shakes her head and pulls her hand away, "Well, thank you for your kind words." She nods at him and the rest of the night runs smoothly with laughter and smiles as the work they planned to discuss was forgotten._  
  
_When Bucky gets home that night he can't stop smiling. He has the best sleep he's had in years and his dreams were filled with her._

 

_He wakes to his phone buzzing loudly._  
  
_He doesn't recognise the number, but he picks up anyway. "Hello?" he croaks._  
  
_"Morning, sunshine. So you've met my girl. I hope you didn't say anything stupid to her." Bucky furrows his brows, still half asleep._  
  
_"Um, who's this?" He rubs his forehead._  
  
_"Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. If you can't figure it out by now, I'd say maybe you aren't fit for her after all."_  
  
_He almost falls off his bed at that, "Oh uh...Mr.Stark...h-how did you get my number?" Bucky could practically hear him roll his eyes._  
  
_"You're designing our new building genius. Keep up. That's not why I called. I called to talk about Y/n." Bucky's ears perk up._  
  
_"What about Y/n?" Bucky questions._  
  
_"You didn't tell her did you? That you know her?"_  
  
_"N-no I didn't. I figured there was a reason she didn't remember me so I didn't bring it up." He said softly_  
  
_"Smart boy. Looks like you redeemed yourself. Look, here's the deal. Before her father passed he explained everything to me. She's never going to remember you so just keep that in mind. Everything she conjured in your house during her little 'stay' at Hydra, yeah that's been wiped. Her dad was able to explain the whole cryo thing to her, but that she still doesn't know about. I hope you realise that means you need to keep it to yourself. Only you and I know of her ability got that? If anyone, and I mean anyone, finds out about it, let's just say history can repeat itself and I'll lose another friend."_  
  
_Bucky blinks slowly, trying to process everything he just heard. He voices that he understands and bids him a goodbye._  
  
  
Flashback over.  
  
    Bucky was sure she would never remember him, but when he kissed her for the first time, when all the emotion poured out of him on that night, she did. He was confused at first, remembering Stark's words, but she reminded him of the power of emotion, how it was what started everything in the first place. He remembers how excited she was that night, how sorry she felt for forgetting him.  
  
 He remembers how he kissed her in the moonlight for the second time and reminded her that it didn't matter, that they were together now.

 He remembers when she met his friends. How they all welcomed her with open arms and how stunned she was when Sam announced that he finally got to meet the mystery girl. How she hugged Steve and Natasha telling the two how much Bucky told her about them, although he knew she just went by what she remembered from before and that night he made sure to tell her everything that happened from then.

  
 He remembers when he popped the question and she jumped in his arms screaming yes over and over.

 He remembers their wedding. How they focused on nothing but eachother and her l  
  
 He remembers their first place together, when she conjured up furniture so they wouldn't have to buy any.

 He remembers the sleepless nights. How they both hovered over their work, but she still found time to rub his back and make his favourite tea and how he never failed to cuddle with her in front of the tv when she couldn't fall asleep.  
  
 He remembers how Tony argued with her for not telling him she remembered, but how happy he was she was ok.  
  
 He remembers how she practised to keep her powers under control and how easy it got for her to switch it on and off after that.  
  
 He remembers the first night they made love. How she moved against him and whispered his name into the wee hours of the morning. How he never felt anythig like it before and whispered I love you over and over again.  
  
 He remembers how much she screamed before their little girls came into the world.  
  
 He remembers when they first used their powers. A puppy when they just turned two. It was sudden, but hilarious nonetheless when he saw he look on Y/n's face.  
  
 He remembers when she tried to explain their abilities to them. And them listening quietly before making mischief in the backyard.  
  
 He remembers it all. And it's good.  
  
"Hey, what are you doing up?" She looks up at him with half lidded eyes as he rubs her back.  
  
"Just thinking." He whispers. He leans down to kiss her and she smiles.  
  
"About what?" She questions.  
  
"Everything." He says as he curls his hand around her waist and falls back into a deep slumber with her by his side and a smile as he whispers thank you once more.  
  
  



	17. Author's note

Thank you to everyone that read, left kudos and commented. I really appreciate all the support. It's been a pleasure to write this and I hope you all enjoyed. Until next time. Much love.   

                                                                                                                                            - AnnaKnimos

            

**Author's Note:**

> My first fanfic. I'm trying this out. I started writing this a while ago just needed to put it somewhere. Enjoy!


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